


to be the hero

by n3s0



Series: to be [1]
Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, BAMF TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Character Study, Child Neglect, Dream Smp, Emotional Manipulation, Exiled TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, POV Third Person, Past Lives, Suicidal Thoughts, This is basically just a look at Tommy's character, TommyInnit-centric (Video Blogging RPF), Video Game Mechanics, and why he does things the way he does, i just love tommyinnit okay?, prose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 06:20:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29202759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/n3s0/pseuds/n3s0
Summary: The world would not stop and wait for him to gather himself, the world did not care about orphans or brothers or teenage boys with too much trauma. So Tommyinnit makes a name for himself, whether the world likes it or not, and becomes the hero.orA look at Tommyinnit
Relationships: Dream SMP Ensemble & TommyInnit, No Romantic Relationship(s), Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Tommyinnit & Wilbur Soot, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit & Phil Watson
Series: to be [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2146467
Comments: 16
Kudos: 199
Collections: Dream SMP Fics (Mainly Tommyinnit (Yeah I'm That Bitch))





	to be the hero

**Author's Note:**

> TW for mentions of mental health issues (Wilbur in Pogtopia and Tommy in exile), manipulation, drinking (underage and adult), description of injuries (not enough to warrant the archive tag, but still), and overall sad tones. There also isn't a very happy ending to this. It's not super sad, but it's not happy either, so you've been warned.  
> As always, this story is about the characters on the Dream SMP and is in no way a reflection of how I view the content creators, and should not be used to make a judgment on the content creators in this story. If any content creators say they're uncomfortable with fanfiction, please let me know and this story will be taken down.  
> This is being written on February 4th, 2021, so it's possible that it's out of date to canon. Because at the time that I'm writing this it is canon, I won't be adding a canon divergence tag if that changes in the future.
> 
> EDIT: the summary changed because I'm looking at making this a series and the old summary was too heavily structured for my liking.

The world did not care about kids like him. He was loud and abrasive and not good enough with a sword to back up his boastful attitude.

With two dead parents, a disc for each of them, and a poorly made iron sword, TommyInnit forced the world to care about him.

He was 6 when he stole from the local vendors and never stayed in one town long enough for them to remember his name. He learned to fight at 7, because it was either that or dying, and he refused to die. He makes a name for himself around a few towns but never stays long enough to hear the ghost stories about himself. Some nights as he set up his camp in a dense forest he wonders what it's like to have a place to call home, he wonders if he can make that for himself. A home is made for him the next day when a man of legends finds his base. 

"Where are your parents?" The man asks and Tommy can't help but stare at his elegant wings in childlike awe. Only the Minecraft family, descendants of the man who never died, were gifted the ability of flight. "They're pretty cool, huh mate?" The man asks again, catching Tommy staring, and his face flushes with embarrassment. 

"Yeah, they are," Tommy says simply and starts packing his things. 

"Where are your parents?" The man asks again, and Tommy's hands itch to grab his discs out of his satchel.

"Dead," he says simply.

"I'm sorry." 

"Why?" 

The man was obviously not used to children who talk of their parent's deaths like a change in the weather, so he offers Tommy his hand and some food. He learns the man's name is Philza, but he could call him Phil, and he has a son named Wilbur. In another world, another life, Phil would be the ruler of an empire in a world that Wilbur controls as Tommy tries to make a name for himself on the bayside. He supposes he's doomed to be making a name for himself in every universe, but he can't find it in himself to be too upset about that fate. Fate has funny ways of working, seeing as the ruler and the controller and the boy making a name for himself now lived in a small cabin near the edge of the world.

Tommy never stays at Phil's cabin longer than a month at a time, wandering was weaved into his soul, but Phil always let him come back. One of his favorite places to wander was only a week-long journey from Phil's cabin, a grassy plains biome with beautiful wildflowers that attracted bees from miles away. He built a small shelter there when he was 9, a year before Phil found him. Coming back to it when he was 11, he found a boy inside the small wooden home.

"Is this your house?" The boy asks before Tommy can start cursing him out. Something about him halts Tommy from grabbing his sword. 

"Built it myself," Tommy says proudly and the boy gives him a wide smile.

"It's quite nice," the boy is still smiling and something about it is so welcoming that Tommy doesn't turn down the boy's offer to have lunch with him. They go to the nearby village and eat at the small restaurant that just set up shop. Tommy spends more money on the boy, he learns his name is Tubbo, than he ever did on himself. They spend the week together before Tubbo says he has to go, and they bid goodbye with the promise to visit the cabin in the field often. Neither of them ever ask the other where they go, they simply meet at the cabin and spend the week getting to be children. Sometimes Tommy will visit the cabin and Tubbo isn't there. Sometimes Tommy finds a letter with some of the worst spelling he's ever seen resting on one of the chairs, inside details how Tubbo was doing and that he was alright. They never set a day to meet, just visiting the safe haven in that field whenever they wanted and hoping the other would somehow know to come and join. The cabin was never truly a home, but it was something that sat in Tommy's heart close to where he kept the memories of his parents. 

He was 12, however, when he could confidently say Phil's cabin at the edge of the world was his home. He was 12 when he timidly called Wilbur his brother. He was 12 when he told Phil he could never call him Dad, because it would feel like a disrespect to the discs sitting quietly in his satchel. He was 13 when Phil met a man, barely an adult, named Technoblade, and he stopped seeing Phil all that often. Something about Technoblade whispered memories of the arctic and the bay and feuding territories. In a past life maybe they were enemies, maybe friends, but those aren't emotions Tommy experienced himself, so he watches the warrior with distant awe.

It stung watching the man who gave him a home not stick around for long. Phil never owed him anything, much like the world, so he didn't try to stop Phil from leaving on his adventures with Techno. It felt wrong to ask for more, after Phil gave him so much.

He found solace in Wilbur, who felt Phil's absence more than Tommy ever could. He grew up in the woods with faint memories of his parents, he would never be able to understand Wilbur's pain of growing up with his father's love only for it to leave at the glimpse of memories with an old friend. Some nights Wilbur would sit in the recliner Phil always read to them on and cry with a bottle in his hand. Those nights were when Tommy would stumble downstairs and sit with Wilbur until they both fell asleep. Tommy gave Wilbur all the love he imagined he was missing from Phil, and then some. He watched Wilbur play his guitar in pubs to pay for groceries, watched as Wilbur gave everything to protect Tommy, watched as Wilbur spoke with a man in a blue sweater and ram horns like they were life long friends even when they met last week. For a moment, Tommy feared that Wilbur finding a friendship from another life would tear them apart, much like it tore Phil away from Wilbur. 

"Wil," he asked one night after the ram left, "would you ever leave me?" 

"Where's this coming from Toms?" Wilbur asks, giving Tommy his full attention.

"That Schlatt guy, you were probably friends with him in another life, just like how Phil and Techno were..." Tommy twiddles his thumbs. He's not used to asking people for things, but he knows Wilbur would give him the world if he asked so he tries, "even if you start getting memories of your past lives with Schlatt, can you still be my brother?" 

"Tommy," Wilbur's voice cracks and Tommy snaps his head up to meet his eyes. He's crying. "I will always be your brother. In this life and every one after it. I promise I'll never leave you," the _'like Phil left me,'_ goes unspoken.

"I promise I'll never leave you, too," Tommy whispers, collapsing into Wilbur's arms, and if they cry in each other's arms for the rest of the night they don't mention it the next morning. 

They continue their small routine for years. Wilbur making enough money with his bartending job and music on the side to support them, Tommy wandering but always coming back home, Phil and Techno showing up maybe 3 or 4 times a year to catch up and leave on an adventure once again. Tommy and Tubbo tell each other everything in that small cabin in the field, Tubbo teaches Tommy how to use redstone (he never properly figures it out) and Tommy teaches Tubbo how to read (they later learn that it's just how Tubbo's brain works, so Tommy moves on to teaching Tubbo how to fight). He continues to make names for himself in towns, ranging from how he's the best sword fighter for miles to how he's a thief. Both and neither are true, depending on who you ask. 

He's 16 when he gets a personal request from the Admin to join the capital. He's 16 when he demands that Tubbo gets to join him. He's 16 when he first gets a god to listen to him, instead of the other way around. He's 16 when he tells Wilbur, and 16 when he has his first real fight with Wilbur.

"You're not going," Wilbur insists.

"Why not? The land out here is still technically Dream's land, how is going towards the capital any different?" Tommy yells back.

"Because you promised me you wouldn't leave," Wilbur cries and Tommy freezes. 

"W- Wil," Tommy stutters, "this isn't me leaving. This is just like when I would go on my own adventures. I always came back, I always came back home to you." They stand in silence for a long time, quiet tears falling. Tommy doesn't want to pass up the opportunity of living in the capital of the Admin's land, Wilbur doesn't want to lose his brother so soon after his father. 

"You'll visit?" Wilbur asks and Tommy laughs.

"Of course, big man."

And so Tommy left for bigger and better prospects at the capital, Esempi, with a promise to always write and visit as much as he could. The journey from Phil's cabin to Esempi took a few months, and when he arrived he was greeted with beautiful buildings and paths and religion and art and more than he could have ever found in the scattered villages he'd traveled to before. Tubbo met him there, already rambling about plans for a home in the heart of it all. Tommy spoke to an arsonist on the same day he spoke to an admin and turns out they were best friends and he couldn't have been more thankful for the opportunity to get to experience so much. He found a little spot for his home in the side of a hill, right by a cliffside that had a perfect view of the sunset, and promised Dream he would follow the rules. They were simple enough, no fighting or killing, no griefing, and no stealing. 

Well, Tommy didn't make a name for himself by following the rules. So when the arsonist, Sapnap, gave him his stuff in return for assistance against Alyssa and Ponk, who was he to say no? They fought, Tommy being wholly unprepared to fight against people who actually know their way around a sword, but they won. They fought Alyssa and Ponk and Dream and won. Even after Dream stole his discs, he got them back and hid them underground and _won_. The high from besting a god was undeniable. He distantly wondered if Phil would be proud, if his Dad and Mom would be proud, so he chased that high. Causing problems in the hopes that maybe someone somewhere would be impressed, would be proud. 

That hope came true when Wilbur showed up one day with everything he owns in a horse's satchel and his mother's guitar on his back. 

"Why?" Tommy sputters, "How?" 

"What, are you not happy to see me?" Wilbur teases with a smirk, but there's pain behind his eyes, "You stopped writing, you never visited once." The reminder hits Tommy hard. He was so wrapped up with the discs that he'd forgotten to keep Wilbur updated. How long had it been? "Dream wrote me that you were starting shit, he hoped I could come mellow you out." 

"Nobody mellows me out, bitch," he laughed and Wilbur smiled once again, the distant pain in his eyes fading a bit.

"Oh I know," Wilbur laughs and wraps him in a hug, "now come on, explain to me what the hell you did that managed to get you snitched on to your brother." 

And so Tommy explained. He told him how he helped Sapnap, how Dream took his parents' discs, how he and Tubbo only just that week managed to secure an enderchest and lock the discs away. How Dream seemed like a cool guy at first but seemed to only enforce rules when they worked for him. How he wonders if Phil would be proud of how well he fought, or if he would care at all. Wilbur told him how Phil and Techno showed up soon after he had left, asked where he was, and when they learned he was on to bigger and better things they suggested Wilbur followed suit before leaving once more. So Wilbur took Dream up on his request to join Tommy at Esempi, packed up his things, and left the cabin to rot. 

"I'm sorry," Tommy interrupts the story.

"Why?"

"About Phil," Tommy says.

"It's not your fault," Wilbur reminds, and continues telling him of the fox hybrid he found on his journey. Wilbur always had a way with words, so when he speaks about potions and brewing and a plan to beat Dream at his own game, how could Tommy say no? 

It was easy for things to get out of hand. Fundy followed Wilbur, and Tubbo followed Tommy, with the idea of buying potion supplies for cheap and selling them double the price. For Tubbo and Tommy, it was one part Wilbur's persuasion and one part revenge against Dream. For Fundy, it was following the man who saved him from the wilds and gave him a place to call home. For Eret, it was the idea of something to fight for, something to say he did for history. L'manberg was a shot in the dark that only someone like Wilbur could've made a reality. It was supposed to be a place where Wilbur and Tommy could call home without Phil's ghost haunting them, a place for Tubbo to stay and not have to look back, a place where Fundy could say he started his new life (they joked he was the first natural-born citizen, because he said he let his old life die in turn for being reborn in L'manberg), a place where Eret could say he fought for something worth it. 

Of course, Dream wasn't very happy with the idea of these people he invited to his capital deciding they wanted a chunk of it for themselves. Maybe if he lived their lives, was a person that had no place to call home for the longest time, he wouldn't have a problem with people inventing a home. But he was the Admin, and this was his land, so war was declared. 

Tubbo's house burned down. Tommy couldn't leave the walls to go back to his own house. Wilbur turned from loving brother to jaded general after threats of assassination loomed over his head. What started out as a dream to make a business and a home turned into a fight for their lives.

Tommy was only 16 when he lost his first life. He was only 16 when he woke up in his bed after his body torn itself apart and reconstructed again. It hurt, more than anything he had ever felt before, more than the sting of betrayal as Eret's taunt whispers in his ears. He was young, bounced back fast, so he and Tubbo waited for Fundy and the three of them waited even more for Wilbur. Once they were all back, they drank themselves dumb to try and numb the phantom pains. He could feel the pain of a sword ripping through his side for weeks after. 

Eret told him it was never meant to be, so Tommy decided right then and there he would give everything to prove him wrong. 

He watched as the stress pushed Wilbur further and further. As Wilbur started using the potions more for himself than the war. They fell back into the routine of Tommy waking to Wilbur's sobs, and the two of them sitting with each other for the night until they fell asleep.

"Do you think he'd be proud?" Wilbur asked one night. He wasn't drunk but he'd also built quite a high tolerance in the past few months, so maybe he was and Tommy just couldn't tell.

"Philza?" 

"Who else?"

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay." 

In the hopes of saving Wilbur from the stress and liver cancer, he makes a deal with Dream. He supposes he accomplished neither of those as he bleeds out on the pathways that amazed him the first day he arrived. They were supposed to aim to injury, not kill.

Dream hit him right between the ribs. Dream never missed. Wilbur and Tubbo's screams will haunt him to his grave. You aren't supposed to lose two lives in less than a year. You aren't supposed to lose two lives at 16. But he was never good at following the rules. 

Eret had something like guilt on his face, but not enough for Tommy to feel bad that he cursed at him until he walked away. George and Sapnap looked indifferent. Seeing Sapnap care so little that he's about to die after the two of them fought side by side against Ponk and Alyssa only leaves another sting of betrayal in his heart. 

"Tommy," Tubbo was on his right, crying. He couldn't feel his legs anymore. It was terrifying.

"Tubbo, I'm sorry- I'm sorry," everything hurt, he could feel his body pulling itself apart again, " _please_ , I don't want to die again."

"It's okay Toms," Wilbur was cradling his head in his lap, tears running down his face and landing in his hair, "we're right here. I'm right here, I'm not leaving you, you don't have to be scared." 

"I thought I could do it, I thought we could be free,"

"I know."

"I'm sorry,"

"I know, it's okay." 

Fundy tries to get him to drink a regen potion, but it can't get past the blood clogging his throat. He dies slowly and painfully in Wilbur's arms, crying for them to kill him faster because the arrow just barely knicked his lungs to drown him slowly. None of them could bring themselves to do it. Dream never missed. 

He makes a final deal the next day. He does it for Wilbur, for Tubbo, for Fundy. For them to have a place to call home and be safe. It's not a lie, but a deep part of him knows he does it for Philza, too.

He will never call Philza dad, but a part of him will always strive to be a good son. 

He gives his parents discs to Dream in turn for complete independence from Esempi. Dream takes the deal and anyone else would believe he got the short end of the stick. Independence for two pieces of plastic? But both Dream and Tommy knew Dream was 20 steps ahead of the rest of them, and Tommy fears for the day his parents' dying presents will be used against him. He wonders if they would be proud. 

The peacetime in L'manberg feels unnatural but he couldn't be more thankful for it. A girl named Niki wanders into the lands and she's too kind for any of them to ask her to leave. She makes a bakery by the docks and Tommy sees her and Wilbur talk over pastries late at night. Tommy teases him for talking to a pretty girl, and tells him how proud he is that it's bread and not a bottle of whiskey that they share. A boy his age named Jack showed up a few days before her, and he was easy to make fun of and good at taking a joke. It was nice to feel like a kid again. Quackity was next, and he was funny and a little sketchy, and Wilbur refused to let him into L'manberg but Tommy never snitched when he snuck over the walls. A person who went by Karl showed up a little later, talking to all of them like they were life long friends. He whispers to them vague warnings of a ram and withers and a prison that in hindsight Tommy wishes he headed. More and more people swarmed to L'manberg from the outer reaches of Dream's land, and with them came new homes and roads and an expansion in territory that Tommy still isn't quite sure of the legal logistics surrounding it. 

Peace couldn't last forever, Tommy knew this, but it was still sad to hear the whispers of distrust in Wilbur's authority from the people they fought so hard to make a home for. Wilbur proposed a plan and while the democracy of it was questionable Tommy would never doubt in Wilbur, so he agreed to run as Vice President. 

Wilbur was never very trusting after Eret's betrayal so it came as a shock when he learned Wilbur told Quackity of their plan to close the race before others could join. It came as even more of a surprise, and another sting of betrayal, when Quackity used the insider information to sneak his own ticket into the election. Quickly their plan to secure the election turned into a free for all, with Fundy and Niki making their own party as well. Quackity, someone Tommy considered a friend, had George as his Vice. Why George even cared to run as L'manberg's Vice President when he tried to stop it from becoming a country in the first place was beyond him. 

"Schlatt's giving us an endorsement," Wilbur tells him one day. The week just seems to be full of shockers. 

"Really?" he asked in awe. Wilbur said Schlatt was a bad influence, but the two were too similar to Tommy to not look up to him to some extent. 

"Yeah, he'll be here tomorrow," Wilbur says, sounding not nearly as happy as Tommy would've expected for a man about to reunite with his childhood friend. 

"Are you not happy?" 

"He doesn't do anything that doesn't benefit him," Wilbur's brow seems to be permanently furrowed these days, "and we didn't exactly part on good terms." 

"How come?" he asks.

"You remember Sally?" Tommy does, she was beautiful and the first hybrid Tommy met. She and Wilbur dated for a long time, they were still together when Tommy left Phil's cabin.

"I do," he says as much and Wilbur's eyes are glassy.

"He got drunk one night," Wilbur says, voice thick, "they got in a fight. She was never a good fighter." 

"I'm sorry."

Wilbur doesn't respond. Schlatt was no longer someone Tommy looks up to. 

The campaign goes well, and branching into politics was relaxing compared to war. He was loud and gained attention and was already well-loved by the people. He spoke highly of Wilbur already, it wasn't hard to convince people he was a good president when he won them the war. George was barely even around, and Quackity wasn't there for the war which lost him some support. Niki and Fundy were never even a concern, but the competition was friendly and Fundy become a close friend over the weeks of campaigning. Schlatt, when he arrived, was drunk and declared his own party. Wilbur told him Schlatt wasn't a concern. 

Until he was.

They had won the election. They were _supposed_ to win. This was supposed to be the one thing that went well for them. But Quackity made a deal, and Schlatt was a better salesman than they gave him credit for, and they lost to only a 1% difference.

Maybe that wouldn't have been bad, but the world was never kind to him. He was 16 when he ran for his life as Schlatt banished him from the home he gave two of his lives and his prized possessions and his innocence for. He was 16 when he watched an arrow pierce Wilbur's chest and couldn't hold his hand as Wilbur did for him, because if he stopped he'd meet the same fate and he was already on his last life. He was only 16 when he hid in the forest and prayed that by some miracle, Wilbur would find him after his respawn. 

Wilbur found him, he supposes the world decided it wouldn't fuck him over that bad, but there was a look in his eyes that Tommy hadn't seen since the night Phil told him he wouldn't be home for his 18th birthday. There are only so many times someone can be betrayed by those you trust before it breaks their spirit.

They carve out a shelter into the hill that looks striking like Tommy's old home in Esempi, the nostalgia is bittersweet. They dig into a ravine and call it home and pretend like that name still doesn't belong to Phil's cabin. 

"We'll get it back," he reassures Wilbur one night over a terrible diner of stale bread and unevenly cooked steak. 

"L'manberg?" 

"Yeah."

"Sure," Wilbur's answer is more upsetting than he was hoping, but he digresses. 

The next day there's a hope in Wilbur's eyes that Tommy had seen since the whispers of L'manberg spread around their group. He asks him what Wilbur's excited for, Wilbur tells him it's a surprise.

The surprise came in the form of Technoblade at their door a week later. 

"You got here fast," Wilbur smirks. Tommy whoops. Techno shrugs.

"Revolution waits for no man."

Technoblade propels their movement faster than he could've hoped. He collects resources and builds a farm and over dinner, Tommy tells him what he'll do once he's Vice. Techno says nothing, but his face is sour. Later that night he overhears Techno and Wilbur bickering.

"Tommy's planning on still being Vice," Techno's voice is bitter.

"Yes, and?" Wilbur snaps.

"You know how I feel about government." The tension in the ravine is palpable. 

"Yes, I do." 

"Then why did you invite me?" 

"Why did you come?" Wilbur laughs. It used to be a soothing noise but now it just sounds cynical. "Did you really expect the people who ran as President and Vice to not want those positions back?" Techno says nothing, and Tommy assumes the conversation was over. He goes to bed nervous about what more Techno will bring to their movement. He remembers Technos stories of destroying governments in different worlds with Phil, he thought they were fairy tales but Techno's new crown with a slight bloodstain makes him reconsider. The world truly never gave him a break. 

Tubbo spies for them. Tells them of a speech upcoming, of Niki's taxes, of Fundy's betrayal, of Eret's rebellion. As they watched Fundy tear down the walls, he sees something snap in Wilbur's eyes. Wilbur starts whispering words of distrust to him over dinner. He warns him not to trust Eret or Fundy, which makes sense, but the warns against Niki and Tubbo make him keep an extra eye on Wilbur. Techno is almost never around anymore. He sees the sunlight less and less and grinds for supplies more and more. The Nether leaves blisters on his shoulders as he grinds for netherite and when he should be looking like a teenager he's built like a soldier. He supposes he is one. 

The speech was for a festival announcement, to celebrate Manberg's growth. The normalcy of it hurts, it reminds him of Wilbur's speech after they won independence. He watches Wilbur's eyes dull each minute into the speech and follows him when he storms off. 

"What we're doing is right, yeah?" Wilbur asks him in the forest.

"Well, yeah, I'm always right," Tommy jokes with false bravo. The unhinged grin on his brother's face was burned into his retinas. 

"Then let's be the bad guys." 

The sentence kept him awake that night, and for the rest of his life. He pushes himself to get more materials, farm more food, sharpen more weapons. He finds himself passing out in the middle of his work more often and forcing Wilbur to go to bed in an act of hypocrisy he doesn't regret. Wilbur spiraled further and further after that. Techno only fed it. Promises of destroying L'manberg spoken over dinner like passing conversation. He told Tubbo after a few days, after Wilbur giggled about buttons and bombs. 

"Remember the cabin?" Tubbo asks, sitting on their bench in the secrecy of night, "We could run away to that." 

Tommy almost says yes. Then he remembers the promise sworn in the middle of the night in Phil's cabin.

"I can't leave Wilbur, I won't leave him," Tommy whispers, "I'll figure something out. Stay safe."

Tubbo doesn't stay safe. He decorates his own funeral and Tommy couldn't be more thankful that he forced Tubbo to set his spawn in Pogtopia before the festival. Tommy watches as his brother laughs at the idea of destroying their home with Techno destroys his friend. He sees the second Techno gives up under Schlatt's pressure, watches as the firework is lit, and is throwing a pearl a second too late to stop it. He holds Tubbo's head in his lap, just like Wilbur did all those months ago for him.

"I'm scared," Tubbo sobbed. How he was even still breathing was a testament to his strength. "Tommy _please_ it hurts-"

"I know, I know I'm so so sorry," Tommy sobbed. He'll never get the image of Tubbo's destroyed body out of his mind as Techno gives into his bloodlust and fires recklessly into the crowd. "I'll never forgive him Tubbo, I'm so so sorry." 

"Please-" he doesn't think Tubbo can even hear him, the right side of his face is burnt beyond recognition, " _please_ kill me please it _hurt_ -" 

Tommy gives Tubbo the mercy he wasn't given on that path with an arrow in his ribs and puts an arrow between his eyes. He stands and stares down Techno.

"You killed him," Tommy seethes, "you shoot like 15 fucking people."

"It was peer pressure," Techno shrugs, and follows Wilbur's pearls back to Pogtopia. Tommy puts aside his anger to go to Pogtopia as well, Tubbo needs him. 

He is 16 when he helps Tubbo through the phantom pains of his body being torn apart by fireworks. He is 16 when Wilbur digs a hole in the ground that might as well be his grave and Technoblade beats him unconscious. Tubbo tells him it isn't worth it, he can't even remember what happened. Niki tells them that's a symptom of trauma. Quackity joins them somewhere along the way. Dream is somehow on their side, but in the worse way possible of encouraging Wilbur's self destruction. He can't keep track of time anymore. He's always tired and the only thing getting him out of bed is the hopes that Wilbur will get better. He has to do it, for Wilbur. He promised him he wouldn't leave and he's not about to break that promise. 

It's Fundy's appearance that gives Tommy a glimmer of hope. The realization that nobody is on Schlatt's side. That they have a chance. 

Dream had to go change sides. Says it's that Schlatt gave him a better deal. Tommy just thinks he wanted to be a prick. 

Nonetheless, they fight. The idea of war makes him feel sick, the nightmares that haunt his days of arrows and swords and explosions remind him why he wanted to avoid war in the first place. But he never got to have a say in his life, so they gear up. They set a date and prepare, and later that night he follows Wilbur out of Pogtopia all the way to his bench.

"If you don't win, I'll blow it to bit," Wilbur promises. 

"You promised you'd never leave," Tommy whispers and he sees Wilbur's shoulders tense for a moment. 

"...I'm sorry."

"No you're not."

All things considered, the war goes well. Technoblade is more prepared than he could ever imagine. The beginning was almost everyone against Schlatt, Punz, and the Dream team. When he watched Bad, Skeppy, and Ant switch sides mid-fight the betrayal didn't even sting. That kind of pain became such a common occurrence that it no longer stung. Schlatt gets the last word, as always, and has a stroke in the middle of the caravan where it all started. It would be poetic if Tommy gave a shit about poetry, but all he cares about is how quickly they went from beating each other senseless to electing him president. 

Wilbur's mocks of _"you'll never be president"_ ring through his head, along with his promises of " _you can't trust anyone"_ , and his experience in betrayal tells him this isn't going to end its easily. He remembers his parents' disc collecting dust in Skeppy's enderchest under Dream's protection, Mellohi resting safely in Tubbo's, and how it all started from there. Wilbur was right, he could never be president, so he turns down the offer and hopes the position will give Wilbur something to look forward to. The confusion and annoyance in Wilbur's eyes was confusing, and what was even more confusing was him giving the position to Tubbo. In his shock and joy, he doesn't see Wilbur sneak off behind the podium. He doesn't see Techno seething next to him. 

He is 16 when he watches Techno, someone he considered family, scream of betrayal and government. He is 16 when he watches his home become a crater, a hole blown through the podium. He is 16 when he watches Phil plunge a sword through Wilbur's stomach and he is 16 when he watches Wilbur die and not respawn. 

He's still reeling from the grief when he watches Techno pull out wither skulls and prepare a summoning circle. The title of hero is forced upon him before he's told to die because of it. He fights for everything once more as he takes down the withers and hears Techno swear to crush them under his boot if they build back up once again. Tubbo sets up plans to rebuild and somehow he's Vice again after just saying he doesn't want to be government because of his grudge against Dream. There are already positions given and plans made and Phil is somehow there and resting a hand on his shoulder.

"You're so much taller than when I last saw you," Phil smiles at him like he didn't just kill his brother.

"Why did you do it?" He doesn't need to clarify what he's talking about. He knows Phil knows what he's talking about when his hand tightens on his shoulder. 

"He was too far gone, Toms, you know that." 

"Why'd you give up on him?" There are so many emotions in him. Anger, grief, fear, betrayal. None of them fully register so he falls back on anger, it's what he understands. "You weren't there, you just fucking gave up on him. Did you even know he was on his last life?! Did you even fucking care?!" 

"He was my son, Tommy," Phil says, like that fixes anything. Tommy shrugs his hand off his shoulder and slams the embassy door in his face. 

He doesn't know if it's from grief or anger or revenge or boredom that he recruits the new kid to burn down Geroge's house. Maybe it's the fact that George got to build a house while Tommy's home was destroyed and his family was killed. Maybe it's because George is closer to Dream than anyone else, and he was still using the last reminder of his parents as a puzzle piece in his fucked up game. Maybe it's because he is 16 and doesn't want to be the hero, so he steals and griefs and burns, and Ranboo looks terrified the entire time but it feels good to be mean for the hell of it. 

Events blur together. At some point his brother's ghost haunts him as a permanent reminder of his broken promise. At some point there's a trial. At some point Ranboo stands up for him. At some point there are obsidian walls and betrayal stings for the first time in forever because it's coming from _Tubbo_. Because at some point L'manberg became about the place and not the people as Tubbo places importance in their land over supporting his people. Dream takes him to a familiar plains field thousands of miles away and he spots the small cabin in the distance.

"What's this?" Dream asks and maybe it's the grief that he never fully processed or maybe it's the numbness that makes him answer Dream honestly.

"Tubbo and I's safe house," Tommy whispers, "I built it when I was 9." 

He doesn't flinch when Dream throws a stick of TnT through the window, he stopped being scared of explosions a long time ago. 

His dead brother builds them a house that's haunting similar to Phil's cabin. Phil's house can't be that far from here, he wonders if Phil and Techno ever returned to it. Sam gives him supplies and it warms his heart only a little before Dream shows up the next day and destroys it. Days blur together as Dream tells him stories of L'manberg, how it's prospering without him. How nobody misses him. How he deserves to have his things blown up. How Dream is his only friend. It's not hard to believe Dream considering nobody ever visited. Techno visited, once, to laugh in his face. He replays the conversation in his head every night and wishes his ego was small enough that he would've just apologized to Techno and then at least he'd have a friend. 

He tries to help himself. Ghostbur stopped showing up so he stashed belongings under the floorboards and plans to find L'manberg again, one day. The compass sits comfortably in his enderchest and he knows even if Tubbo doesn't want him, at least he can use the compass to find his way back home. Each day it gets harder and harder to think of the future, to plan for the better. He even forgot about the supplies under the floorboards; that is, until Dream stepped a bit too hard and broke the loose floorboard. He pulled out photos and pearls and iron and his quiet disappointment hurt more than any kind of anger. It felt like when Phil found out Tommy set up a government behind Techno's back and only gazed at him with mild disappointment before walking away. He's still trying to figure out how it was betrayal when Tommy never hid that he was going to set up a government. Dream's anger is quiet as he tells Tommy "Sorry doesn't cut it," and blows everything up. Tommy supposes he's doomed to call explosion sites his home. 

On the top of that tower, he contemplates his fate. Memories of a company on the bayside, always under fire but never fully hated. Memories of Wilbur's world where they played god with hundreds of people. Hopes that someone, anyone, would come save him. That Techno would regret his actions and come help him. That Phil would apologize for killing Wilbur and try not to kill Tommy with his actions too. That Sam would betray Dream for him. That Tubbo would jump out of the portal at any moment and revoke his exile. 

None of that happens. The world did not care about kids like him, and it seems neither did the people. He was 6 when he became an orphan, 7 when he learned to fight. He was 9 when he tried to build a home and 10 when one found him. He was 12 when he got a brother and 16 when he lost him. He was 16 when he died, 16 when he died again. He was 16 when he lost everything, fought for everything. He was 16 when he first felt betrayal and was told it was never meant to be, when the title of hero was thrust upon him and apparently meant he deserved to die, when he experienced more than what he bargained for.

But he was TommyInnit, he cared too much and fought too hard for his sword skills and was too loyal for his own good and would never give up. He promised himself that when he was 16.

So TommyInnit saves himself. He is the hero and he is the damsel in distress and he is the villain, and he saves himself. 

**Author's Note:**

> I read a lot of Tommy's character tag here and while I love stories where Tommy finally has an adult in his life help him, I think the fact that Tommy's always made a name for himself and saved himself is so much more poetic. I really like where this started but I lowkey lost steam so I'm not the biggest fan of the ending. Let me know what you think in the comments! Feedback, comments and kudos make my week :)
> 
> EDIT: I'm not going to add a second chapter to this, it'll stay ending here. However, I am going to make it part of a series filled with similar character studies about other SMP members! I really enjoy this ending, so for the other characters their stories will span from their backstory to the end of the reconstruction era (look on the Dream SMP wiki if you need an explanation as to when that is.) I don't want to keep adding on when I'm already satisfied with it lol. 
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


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